Find yourself a cabinet

never used by anyone in your house.

If this changes,

tell them you too had forgotten all about it.

Say in response oh!! THAT is where I put them!

Find yourself a bench for your lunchbreaks

away from any roadside,

close to work but nowhere near

anywhere a colleague might walk past.

Never recommend it to anyone as a place to meet.

Find yourself a shop

quick in its transactions.

Make sure the staff aren’t overly welcoming.

When they refer to your order as the usual

find yourself another of the same description.

Find yourself a brand of strong breath mints,

ones which never rattle in the box.

Keep some in a pocket of every coat you own.

Learn to slip them in by finger and thumb

as if wiping your nose clean.

Find yourself reasons, and lots of them,

not to be wherever you’ve said you’ll be.

Find yourself an ailment and do your research

on the behaviour of those who truly suffer from it.

When a friend nicknames you The Ghost, laugh. Always laugh.